Being in the middle of my annual autumn cold,
(second week already, sigh, sooooo boring)
trying to rest before it is time to go to my monday chinese class (which I do not want to miss for anything) I just feel it is time to get up and do some blogging. Many days has passed since last time. Hmmmm.
Who in me decides to get up? As I see it there are only two parts involved: my ego or my soul.
My ego has two voices.
One says: yea, lets go and do some blogging so I can feel I participate in life.
The other says: oh...no...there is no point in blogging. It is only my self who read it.
What my soul says I really have no idea.
But I am very sure that it is my soul who wants me to study this "impossible" language.
The whole life goes on like this. Who is pushing?
Sometimes I meet a lot of resistance in doing things. The question is:
Shall I try harder? Shall I go against my inner "knowing"?
Who is talking? Who knows?
These questions are so fascinating, especially when I am reading four books written by Michel Newton about lives between lives.
In other words: what do the soul do between one life and the next?
Of course, if I did not "know" that we live many lives here on earth and in "other places" it would not make sense to read about the existence of the soul in these other realms.
I used to tell friends that I do not believe in reincarnations. What! They said. Don´t you?
No, I answered. I don´t believe, I know.
So, many of the days now when I get desperate from my studies, I talk to myself with loving and tender words:
Please, it is your soul who wants this.
Ok, but now is time to go back to the sofa.
måndag 1 oktober 2012
tisdag 18 september 2012
The very last difficulty to remember
Many many years ago, in Barcelona, in a big room at the music conservatoire. Five elder serious men and women sitting in front of me, a big piano and on a table a little box with small numbered balls. One had to choose one ball for every field of music. For example Bach, Sonatas of Beethoven or Chopin.
Time for examination, hmmmm....
The turn had come to Chopin and his Etudes. I think there where five or seven etudes on the list, one ball for each of them. I do not remember which of them I had to play but it was one that I had learned "by heart".
To "learn by heart" is a beautiful expression! It is not that poetic in swedish.
Why did I learn exactly that one by heart?
Well, because the hands had to jump a lot and it was impossible for me to look up and down from the piano keys up to the music notes. My head got too dizzy, as simple as that.
Gosh, I was nervous!
In this moment I did not only got dizzy but my brain became black, empty, white, a complete washout. What a shame! It was really terrible.
Somehow I finished the etude without disappearing through the floor.
However, it did not help to improve my possibilities to pass the exam that the next piece was a piece of cake: the first slow part from the well known Moonlight sonata from Beethoven which I had played for years. I was devastated, the whole body trembling.
Thinking back it was a very interesting experience that I will never forget.
Wow, what a fantastic memory I have!!!
Time for examination, hmmmm....
The turn had come to Chopin and his Etudes. I think there where five or seven etudes on the list, one ball for each of them. I do not remember which of them I had to play but it was one that I had learned "by heart".
To "learn by heart" is a beautiful expression! It is not that poetic in swedish.
Why did I learn exactly that one by heart?
Well, because the hands had to jump a lot and it was impossible for me to look up and down from the piano keys up to the music notes. My head got too dizzy, as simple as that.
Gosh, I was nervous!
In this moment I did not only got dizzy but my brain became black, empty, white, a complete washout. What a shame! It was really terrible.
Somehow I finished the etude without disappearing through the floor.
However, it did not help to improve my possibilities to pass the exam that the next piece was a piece of cake: the first slow part from the well known Moonlight sonata from Beethoven which I had played for years. I was devastated, the whole body trembling.
Thinking back it was a very interesting experience that I will never forget.
Wow, what a fantastic memory I have!!!
torsdag 13 september 2012
Allergie - not memory
My body has talked, I do not know how many times this last year. It is about allergies, not about chinese. Even if there is a connection.
Finally the insight has fully reached my awareness, bang! No way to escape anymore.
I have to stop painting, painting with oil colors. (Aquarelle will do.)
About ten years ago my body restrained me from working with textiles. It became allergic to wool and flax. (yes, the dictionary tells this is the word). And now the turn has come to the oil colours. No use to go against my body as my soul and body work together intimately.
Do I feel sad? No. Depressed? No. Surprised? Hmmm, no. I saw it coming and I sigh with satisfaction that I have started my chinese studies.
I also have my Mac and Photoshop!!!
This image is a combination of an oil painting and photoshop.
I can have a lot of fun creating new images from what I have done during my thirty years of creativity.
And talking about the chinese studies. Today I wanted to be more efficient and dedicated all my time to learn: "Do you know what time it is?" You say it like this:
You know not know, now how many time the watch?
It is written with eleven different characters. And how it sounds, pfffff.....yeah, it is very stimulating for my brain. Especially for the amygdala. I think that is the part which treats feelings and memory. If I remember well.
tisdag 11 september 2012
Memory
In order to learn a new language it is very practical to have a good memory. I do not have that. In one way it is very good because it makes me move my body a lot more. For example; sitting in the kitchen I want to fetch a pen in the living room so I get up and go to the living room. Once there I have forgotten what I was going to fetch so I have to move back to the kitchen, sort of going back in my "dream path".
Then, miraculously, I remember. So it makes me move a lot more.
I also always leave my coffee cup far away from my Mac in order not to spill coffee on the keyboard but also consciously to exercise my body. The scientists tell us over and over again how important it is to move the body. I also have my very own conclusion: exercise promotes good memory!
Our teacher told us yesterday that we should study at least eight hours per week. That is what is recommended for half time studies. That is far away from enough for me.
I´m very happy that I started already in june to draw and draw and draw the chinese characters, over and over again, because they have their own life. I see them with my eyes and train my hand in order to create the necessary nerve connections in my brain but, alas! In five minutes they are gone.
Of course it is not enough to learn how they look like. You also have to learn their meaning, how you write them in pinyin and how they sound.
But miraculously some of them stay in there. Deep in my brain.
I have decided to be very kind to myself and my memory by telling myself that it is just as it is meant to be. It helps me to develop my persistency.
Next time I write here I will tell about one occasion when my memory really gave me a bad moment. After that I will stop saying to myself that my memory is bad and I will be sooooo kind to myself.
Then, miraculously, I remember. So it makes me move a lot more.
I also always leave my coffee cup far away from my Mac in order not to spill coffee on the keyboard but also consciously to exercise my body. The scientists tell us over and over again how important it is to move the body. I also have my very own conclusion: exercise promotes good memory!
Our teacher told us yesterday that we should study at least eight hours per week. That is what is recommended for half time studies. That is far away from enough for me.
I´m very happy that I started already in june to draw and draw and draw the chinese characters, over and over again, because they have their own life. I see them with my eyes and train my hand in order to create the necessary nerve connections in my brain but, alas! In five minutes they are gone.
Of course it is not enough to learn how they look like. You also have to learn their meaning, how you write them in pinyin and how they sound.
But miraculously some of them stay in there. Deep in my brain.
I have decided to be very kind to myself and my memory by telling myself that it is just as it is meant to be. It helps me to develop my persistency.
Next time I write here I will tell about one occasion when my memory really gave me a bad moment. After that I will stop saying to myself that my memory is bad and I will be sooooo kind to myself.
torsdag 6 september 2012
Body language
Yesterday it was the last time it was the first time. Yeah, for this time. We had our first class in chinese practice, learning the very basics of its pronunciation.
We started with the six vowels a o e i u and ... hmm... where do I find the last one on my keyboard??? ... well, the u with two points over it. (I´m far too lazy to search for it know).
The teacher made us repeat and repeat and repeat ....
It was quite funny. There are four different tonal levels and all of us moved the head up and down when we imitated her sounds, over and over again.
A sort of body language but not the body language I am thinking of.
I think about our body language when we talk.
It is said that our words express only 10% of what we intend to tell. (???) The rest of our communication is expressed through our body language.
Well, if this is true, what happens when I want to learn a language so different from what my body is used to express. Total chaos.
And what more; writing here I am only able to express 10 % of what I really want to say.
Is that a relief for me? Will the reader miss 90 %?
We started with the six vowels a o e i u and ... hmm... where do I find the last one on my keyboard??? ... well, the u with two points over it. (I´m far too lazy to search for it know).
The teacher made us repeat and repeat and repeat ....
It was quite funny. There are four different tonal levels and all of us moved the head up and down when we imitated her sounds, over and over again.
A sort of body language but not the body language I am thinking of.
I think about our body language when we talk.
It is said that our words express only 10% of what we intend to tell. (???) The rest of our communication is expressed through our body language.
Well, if this is true, what happens when I want to learn a language so different from what my body is used to express. Total chaos.
And what more; writing here I am only able to express 10 % of what I really want to say.
Is that a relief for me? Will the reader miss 90 %?
onsdag 5 september 2012
Surprise!
Yes, certainly it was a big surprise to come to the calligraphy lecture yesterday evening. We where three swedish people there and I was the only chinese student! I do not understand. Where were for example all the other beginners? Two hundreds? Only 0,5% was there! There where also about ten to fifteen chinese persons.
Fantastic for us who where there, I must say. The calligrapher, Zhang Shan, did not speak english, pity, but a young man did his best to translate.
He talked about the deeper meaning of the characters, about the four elements etc. I am not capable to express what he said. But yes, I remember what he said about Stockholm in connection that it is important to reverence nature; a city that has all the elements near by, a nature city, not a city with high high buildings. Well, something like that.
But then, he is going to demonstrate how he paints, wow! So interesting to see how he is the master of the brush. Different results with small small changes and variations. Well, one has to see it. It is not possible for me to explain, especially not in english.
And then ... for each of us he paints special characters and our name, interpreted to chinese on a beautiful paper. And then ... smiling ... when I tell that I´m also a painter who just has started to study chinese, he makes a painting of a pine tree which is a tree that symbolizes "strength" in China and gives it to me, suggesting that I could come and exhibit my art in his country. Just being polite of course but still it makes me laugh when I now sit here at my kitchen table, surrounded by books and papers and pencils.
Not brushes and tint yet. It is far to early for that.
Now I remember that one of the "paintings" or what you call it, had a proverb saying that one has to work very hard in order to archive what you want. I will put my pine tree on the wall in order to remember that, even if I for sure many times will doubt there is enough capacity to manage to learn this Mandarine language. Thank you Zhang Shan!
Fantastic for us who where there, I must say. The calligrapher, Zhang Shan, did not speak english, pity, but a young man did his best to translate.
He talked about the deeper meaning of the characters, about the four elements etc. I am not capable to express what he said. But yes, I remember what he said about Stockholm in connection that it is important to reverence nature; a city that has all the elements near by, a nature city, not a city with high high buildings. Well, something like that.
But then, he is going to demonstrate how he paints, wow! So interesting to see how he is the master of the brush. Different results with small small changes and variations. Well, one has to see it. It is not possible for me to explain, especially not in english.
And then ... for each of us he paints special characters and our name, interpreted to chinese on a beautiful paper. And then ... smiling ... when I tell that I´m also a painter who just has started to study chinese, he makes a painting of a pine tree which is a tree that symbolizes "strength" in China and gives it to me, suggesting that I could come and exhibit my art in his country. Just being polite of course but still it makes me laugh when I now sit here at my kitchen table, surrounded by books and papers and pencils.
Not brushes and tint yet. It is far to early for that.
Now I remember that one of the "paintings" or what you call it, had a proverb saying that one has to work very hard in order to archive what you want. I will put my pine tree on the wall in order to remember that, even if I for sure many times will doubt there is enough capacity to manage to learn this Mandarine language. Thank you Zhang Shan!
måndag 3 september 2012
Empty
My intention was to start this post with a "blue sky" and not "empty" but my head really is marvellous empty. And tired!
But really, the sky has been blue the whole day today and we are not spoiled by that this summer here in Sweden.
A good sign for my first lecture in chinese.
First a beautiful walk through some small "forrest" (after a short trip with the train) and along the water, sparkling in the sunshine. What a gift. Having this part of the university so close to water, big trees and stones. Mmmmm ...
And the first lecture? Well, a little bit chaotic! More than hundred students, in group one, some coming too late, some talking, and for what I could see, all young people and me. I really feel privileged, having the luxury to study in the university at my age.
What I most liked was that the professor encouraged us to practice writing so much that we sort of become "high". I have already felt that sometimes during my months of pre-preparing.
I have read somewhere that the chinese children, knowing how to talk and what the words mean, still have to practice the writing for about two years. Hmmm ... so using some mathematics it will take at least about six years to learn this language. For me. Not bad.
Hopefully I will find time for painting as well. I do believe it will be possible to have two passions in life. At least!!! There will always be a place for my third passion:Tantra and Tao.
But really, the sky has been blue the whole day today and we are not spoiled by that this summer here in Sweden.
A good sign for my first lecture in chinese.
First a beautiful walk through some small "forrest" (after a short trip with the train) and along the water, sparkling in the sunshine. What a gift. Having this part of the university so close to water, big trees and stones. Mmmmm ...
And the first lecture? Well, a little bit chaotic! More than hundred students, in group one, some coming too late, some talking, and for what I could see, all young people and me. I really feel privileged, having the luxury to study in the university at my age.
What I most liked was that the professor encouraged us to practice writing so much that we sort of become "high". I have already felt that sometimes during my months of pre-preparing.
I have read somewhere that the chinese children, knowing how to talk and what the words mean, still have to practice the writing for about two years. Hmmm ... so using some mathematics it will take at least about six years to learn this language. For me. Not bad.
Hopefully I will find time for painting as well. I do believe it will be possible to have two passions in life. At least!!! There will always be a place for my third passion:Tantra and Tao.
fredag 31 augusti 2012
Rollcall
Strange word but it seems to be the correct one, i.e. when someone has a large list of names to control that everybody are present, in schools, at the university ... more or less ...
How is it possible that so many persons, especially young ones, want to study Mandarin. About 160 students, wow! From many different cultures. In this small little city. (comparing with Mexico city, New York or what ever) It will be so interesting to participate in this setting. (sometimes I doubt that the dictionary gives an adequate word)
It´s a pity that I cannot bring my computer when I take my daily walks in nature, when the thoughts flow very easy. Today it was raining and happily I put on my new red rubber boots and rain clothes.
It has become even more important to be outside now, moving and breathing in order to load the whole body with prana. No, I mean qi. I mean life energy.
Prana belongs to Tantra and Qi to Tao. Studying chinese belongs undeniably to the Tao-path. I have followed the tantra-path some years and also the tao-path. Now I will walk in between the two of them.
Breathing, not just normal breathing to keep on being alive but conscious breathing in order to augment the life-force is essential to me. Especially for my brain as I need to improve my deplorable memory in order to maintain all the chinese characters, their names and pronunciations. Yeah, I will have to breathe a lot!
How is it possible that so many persons, especially young ones, want to study Mandarin. About 160 students, wow! From many different cultures. In this small little city. (comparing with Mexico city, New York or what ever) It will be so interesting to participate in this setting. (sometimes I doubt that the dictionary gives an adequate word)
It´s a pity that I cannot bring my computer when I take my daily walks in nature, when the thoughts flow very easy. Today it was raining and happily I put on my new red rubber boots and rain clothes.
It has become even more important to be outside now, moving and breathing in order to load the whole body with prana. No, I mean qi. I mean life energy.
Prana belongs to Tantra and Qi to Tao. Studying chinese belongs undeniably to the Tao-path. I have followed the tantra-path some years and also the tao-path. Now I will walk in between the two of them.
Breathing, not just normal breathing to keep on being alive but conscious breathing in order to augment the life-force is essential to me. Especially for my brain as I need to improve my deplorable memory in order to maintain all the chinese characters, their names and pronunciations. Yeah, I will have to breathe a lot!
torsdag 30 augusti 2012
Practical
Ya, sometimes it is very practical to listen to the messages from "universe".
Today, this evening, I start my studies of Mandarine at the university here in Stockholm.
Happily I wanted to start a new homepage about this adventure. Today. Not tomorrow!
So I registrate a new domain name at my web hotel. I pay and today I received the confirmation of the registration but... the name was wrong!
So I can not neglect that. I have to ask:
What does "universe" wants to tell mi?
It says:
"Take it easy! Don´t be in a hurry! The name you wanted is not the right one! The name will come to you when you listen inside!"
Ok! In the meantime I will work more on the content and....of course ...study, study and more study.
And yes, I can write here on this blog I started long ago, so I won´t forget and to practice some discipline.
Today, this evening, I start my studies of Mandarine at the university here in Stockholm.
Happily I wanted to start a new homepage about this adventure. Today. Not tomorrow!
So I registrate a new domain name at my web hotel. I pay and today I received the confirmation of the registration but... the name was wrong!
So I can not neglect that. I have to ask:
What does "universe" wants to tell mi?
It says:
"Take it easy! Don´t be in a hurry! The name you wanted is not the right one! The name will come to you when you listen inside!"
Ok! In the meantime I will work more on the content and....of course ...study, study and more study.
And yes, I can write here on this blog I started long ago, so I won´t forget and to practice some discipline.
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